Top Ten Ways to Kill a Fanfic

                                            Ten Ways to Kill a Fanfic
                                                  by dramaelfie

If there is one thing we fans cannot live without besides a show itself, then it has to be the fan fiction inspired by it. For in the world of fan fiction, all our wildest fantasies and dreams come to life. A situation, perhaps, that leads to the eventual pairing of two characters that have never even met each other in canon, or even the merging of two unlike genres, dubbed a “crossover”. Yet as much as we enjoy reading these fictional accounts of fiction, there are still some things that, no matter how hard we try to overlook them, will most always kill a fanfic.

10) OOC-ness
For those of you who are new to the fan scene, “OOC” is just a shortening of the term “out of character”. Usually, the perpetrators of this act will make shy characters…well….not so shy. For example, let’s look at the popular anime show Naruto. We all know Hyuuga Hinata has a crush on the orange-clad ninja, and the shy, reclusive girl has never been able to express her feelings for him in a coherent way. Why then would an author choose to have her drug Naruto’s drink that she orders for him (after asking him out on a date in front of the entire village), then take him to her house to have seven hours of bondage sex with his lifeless body???? I don’t know whether or not you realize it, but this is not in character for Hinata. Most authors usually do a good job of keeping the characters true to their personalities, but there are still a few that need to learn about characterization and character development. Here is a good basic lesson, free of charge from me to you: NOT ALL ANIME CHARACTERS ARE HORNY SEX MACHINES!!!!

9) The Mary Sue/OC Overload
Oh, dear….Yes, I am guilty of this one, but I have deleted the fic, thank God. Once again, for the newcomers, “OC” means “original character”. And when it comes to fans, most of them have an OC linked with a favorite show or book series, and about 50% of these OCs are self-insertations. That is all right, but when your OC begins hooking up with every character and gaining every power imaginable and saving the day all the time, that is overkill. And some authors even choose to make more than one OC. Again, fine and dandy, until the number of OCs begins to outweigh the number of actual characters from the story. Why bother writing a fanfic, then? If you have that many OCs, just make up your own story. (And who knows? In a few years, people could be writing shoddy fanfics about your characters!)

8) Spelling/Grammatical Errors
Okay, people, come on. We live in the age of in-software spelling and grammar checkers, let’s act like we use them. Nothing, and I mean nothing, gets under my skin quite like bad grammar and spelling. (Then again, I am pretty much a Nazi when it comes to grammar, I even correct myself mid sentence!) Let’s take a look at the most common spelling/grammatical mishap; The difference between “you’re” and “your.” This has bugged me for ages. I leave a comment on someone’s page: “Thanks for the fav! [hug emoticon],” and I get this in reply: “Your welcome [smiley emoticon].” NO, NO, NO!!!!! It is “You’re welcome!” As in “You are welcome.” Do you know what the word “your” is for? It is meant to show possession. As in “your toy”, “your face”, “your mistake”, etc. So, “Your welcome”? It is most definitely NOT my welcome when I read poor grammar like that!!!! And another tip on spelling; If you are writing a fan fic about a well-known series, make sure you spell the names of characters, places, and objects correctly!!! It will save you some embarrassment when people ask “Who’s Ulquiria? And what the heck is a hyogokyokuu?” (Also, spelling a popular character’s name wrong just makes you look really stupid.) If you are unsure of how to spell a character’s name, there is always Wikipedia, and if you find you’ve made a mistake, then for heaven’s sake go back and correct it!

7) Verb Tense/Word Usage
If it took place in the past, use PAST tense. If it is taking place currently, use PRESENT tense. If it will take place two days from now, use FUTURE tense. There is no “prast” tense, which is what a lot of authors nowadays use. He comes over to her. That, my friends, is present tense, meaning the story is happening as we are reading it. So all the sentences in the rest of the fic should be in that same verb tense unless a character is having a flashback, or something along those lines. It was frusterating when authors switch tenses in a single sentence. (see?) And another thing: If you don’t know what a word means, look it up in the dictionary or save yourself some trouble and just don’t use it at all. One word can throw off the meaning of an entire sentence.

6) Punctuation
I have a theory that some authors are so allergic to punctuation that if they even try to use it, they will sneeze so forcefully that any punctuation they have used will end up in the strangest places or disappear entirely. They’re called COMMAS, people, use them!!!! And PERIODS!!!! It’s really annoying having to read a fanfic that has no periods or commas or punctuation of any kind like exclamation points and question marks I mean seriously it’s like reading a monotonous robot command or something plus it just makes the whole thing extremely boring am I right.

5) Choppy Delivery/Lack of detail
I hate this style. I hate it a lot. What I hate is it’s boring. It’s very boring. It makes me want to scream. You’ll hate when I scream. It’s not pretty. Do you see where I’m going? Even though you are writing a fan fiction that will not count for a grade, to quote an English teacher of mine, “You need to use a clear, flowing style peppered with colorful, vivid language.” And no, I don’t mean swearing, I mean detail. (We’ll get to the subject of swearing in a moment)
She heard footsteps and looked up.
Er…..great. Let’s try;
The sound of heavy footfalls caused her to look up from her book.
Better, but what about;
The sound of heavy footfalls outside the door caused her to tear her eyes away from the epic battle about to take place on the pages of her book.
In the first example, we concluded that there was a woman who looked up when she heard footsteps. In the second example, we learned that the footsteps were heavy and that the woman had been reading a book before she looked up. And in the third example, we learned that the woman was reading a novel, and the sound of footfalls in the corridor outside the room she was in were so significant, they drew her attention from an exciting event about to take place in the book she was so enthralled by. Basically, the amount of effort you put into your sentences will either make or break a story.

4) Formatting
Unless you intend your fic to be performed, please, please, please do NOT put it in script format. Not only does this deplete the fic of legitimate sentence structure, it also makes reading it a chore.
Aang: Katara go! I’ll hold them off! (turns and blasts Azula with air)
Katara: Aang….
Aang: JUST GO!!! (dies when Azula hits him with fire)
Katara: NOOOOO!!!!!!!
I hope I don’t have to elaborate too much with this one, but the lack of detail and choppy delivery just don’t make for a readable story. Think about it, would J.K. Rowling have had half as much success if she wrote the Harry Potter series like this? I think not.

3) Slang terms/Text talk/Swearing
Slang terms, text talk and swearing have one thing in common: They contain the power to bring the flowing eloquence of a beautifully written fic to a screeching halt. It is entirely different if you use them in dialogue, though. (As in when a character is talking) The way a character talks is a big part of how we as readers view him or her. Going back to the subject of OOC-ness, if a character does not swear in the series, then it is blatantly obvious that the character should not be chain-swearing in a fan fiction. The only time the author should use swear words is when he/she is making a strong point (unless the fic is in first person, and the character swears). Other than that, please don’t curse, it gives the fic a nasty flavor that is hard to get rid of. And so do slang terms. There are so many good love scenes that have been mutilated by just one slang term. A tip: If you are looking for good ways to describe certain parts of the body in a beautiful, elegant way, I suggest reading the works of historical romance author Johanna Lindsey. Her books are extremely well written and enjoyable to read.

2) Skipping to the Sex
Don’t get me wrong, I like reading a [well-written] lemon as much as the next person (no yaoi or yuri for me though, please), but geeze, you think you could squeeze in a basic plot before two characters who have barely interacted the entire series do the horizontal mambo? There are some authors who choose to do one-shots, and the good ones usually have some back-story to explain how the characters got together in the first place. Once again, this is something that Johanna Lindsey excels at. For her, plot is more important than the sex scenes, in fact, most of the lemons don’t even occur until halfway through the book. It lets her focus on building up the tension between characters that will eventually lead to [hotter] lovemaking.

1) The Questionable Crack Fic/AU/Crossover
Crack fics are one of the most primitive forms of fan fiction, and therefore are most often badly written. I’m not saying that all crack fics are terrible, in fact, I’ve read some rather enjoyable ones (“Worse Than Death” and  “The Mating Frenzy” are some examples of better-written crack fics). Others? Well, those I could grind up and use as actual crack, that’s how cracky they are. I mean, in most crack fics, ALL the characters are OOC and the plot makes no sense to anyone but the author, although sometimes I suspect he or she does not understand it, either. “AU” stands for “alternate universe”, and I’ve read quite a few good ones, actually. (a good example is the Avatar AU web comic by Irrel) In order to have a good AU fanfic, the aspects of the AU must somehow tie in with the aspects of the original story’s world. And again, the characters MUST stay in character!!!! Okay, now the crossover fic…….this is something most authors should not even attempt. A crossover is a fanfic deals with more than one story world. It’s like mixing lobster and ice cream; Two great tastes that should have never been put together. Believe me, I’ve actually had lobster ice cream and it’s good when you take the first bite, but by the third or fourth spoon-full, it’s pretty sickening. To me, crossovers are the lobster ice cream of the fanfic world.  An author must deal with the personalities and aspects of two separate universes, and I believe this puts them into such a state of stress, they accidentally write a terrible crack fic. Again, there are good ones out there, I just can’t name any off the top of my head because I haven’t come across any decent ones in a long time.

So there you have it, my list of ten things that can kill a good fan fic. Now, I’m not saying that everything has to be PERFECT, but just remember that the more effort you put into something, the better it will turn out. And the more reviews you will receive. And the more fans you will make. And the more publishing companies will contact you, and the more awards you will win…..